my birthday just isn't important.

i'm worth more than the sum of all parts.

I'm sick of it.

i'm tired of being taken for granted

and how plans i want to make never hold any importance

i hate how i put forth so much effort for nothing.

i hate that when i get upset about something

its "me overreacting"

or whatever i hate it so much.

I wish I could really figure myself out.

Actually, I think I can figure myself .

I take that back again, for the most part, I already have figured myself out.

I desperately try my hardest to have people like me, have them be happy with me etc.

No matter what that actually means, in terms of the effects on myself.

I pretend that I don't care about some small things.

Just so someone doesn't have to know that, yeah it sort of hurts.

With an even bigger issue, school.

I really don't want to be here, I don't know if I just want to be somewhere else

I really don't know, but today i really just felt like leaving.

Not just school, but here, i wanted to just go and drive 

and end up somewhere, and just start over.

I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.

So, it's been 3 days, just about, since I got back to school. And it's been about what I thought it would be, not fun and all that. I think once I start commuting to school next fall wherever it is I am going next fall, that it'll be better. I hate being what seems like so far away from everyone. Right now my car is still in the body shop for the dumbest thing ever, scratches, seriously scratches. My mom wants to get the scratches fixed before the car is turned in for a new one, which should be pretty soon. So any day now I'll get a phone call saying my car is ready, and then somehow someone needs to pick it up from the body shop. Then tomorrow or Friday night I'll get picked up from school, and be home for the weekend with my car. Then no school monday, so I'll be back at school Monday night.

In terms of my schedule, it isn't too bad.

I have and easy Monday/Wednesday 

then my Tuesday/Thursday is a long day

MW: Math (11:45-12:35) Astronomy (12:45-2:40)

TT: Math (8:30-9:25) Art History (9:35-11:10) English (11:45-1:10) History (1:25-2:50)

so yeah, I don't mind my schedule, my Astronomy class is pretty boring right now, like so far since its the first days of class, it's almost exactly like my 6th grade science class. It should get better and everything once we're out of the basic stuff. I'm actually in my Astronomy class now. for the next hour and a half.... oh well. i miss being home... well not actually being home, but being closer to friends i guess. i don't know what I mean. i like Death Cab For Cutie.

breaks kinda really sucked.

i've done almost nothing at all.

my family has been stressed about a ton of stuff

and have been easily irritable and there's been a bunch

of fights mainly between my parents and my brother.

speaking of him, my ipod was stolen and he owes

me money for a new one. me and him also fought a bunch

and when we fight it usually isn't with words and such.

well he was here almost from the beginning of my break

and he stayed i think 3 days longer than he planned on.

so we fought over the car and i was left with no car a couple times

my car was stuck in the snow for a few days too.

and now my brother is finally gone, i have the house to myself throughout

the day and my parents say now is the time to take in my car to get

scratches repaired. so once again i am carless.

for the past 3 days ive been completely stuck at home

with no car.

atleast i'm pretty sure i have plans for tomorrow and i hopefully can end break on a good note.

im fully aware of what i said...

but when nothing changes

the same things keep happening

its so easy to just fall back