well i only really need to leave my room now for food.

occasionally and such.

i hate knowing who can read this.

i feel like if i write about them than its just like attacking them 

or whatever.

january 5th-11th will probably be the best time of break.

based on the sole fact ill have the house completely to myself

and my brother will be gone

and my parents will be at work

and ill still probably have no life.

i really hate myself sometimes

not like really myself, but my personality

or whatever 

basically what i mean is im fricken pathetic.

in modern news of what have i been doing with my life:

sitting in bed all day watching Daria on youtube.

i went through 5 seasons and 2 movies in a few days

and i started it all over today.

occasionally i'll venture out and play video games

then go back in my room.

so yeah, no life.

and that isn't even a quarter of the reason why i am

pathetic. go figure

so sick of people.

my brother's an idiot

which aggravates my parents

to say the least. so they yell at him

and i get pulled into that now.

somehow. for everything i do wrong

and just so much yelling and everything

other people just hating me for some reason

or another, i don't know anymore

I'm starting to see why there are people that hate the holidays.

so it kinda sucks it took me this long to realize it

and it really sucks what it took for me to realize it

but that's what it took.

i took me failing a class and withdrawing from another

to realize two things, i now have a greater understanding

of how much my parents really do care about me and my

future. and it made me realize that i'm kind of retarded

in a "i think i'm smart way" I think that I can just get by

like in school, i think i can just get by doing almost nothing

just like in high school doing the bare minimum and i'd

get by okay, and now i know that that is complete crap.

I'm not that smart, I need to actually try.

and hopefully, my parents will see that this

horrible semester actually made me learn something

and they'll not be as pissed as i think they're going to be

which is i think they're going to kill me

so basically anything ending with me alive is pretty good. 

sometimes i wish i didn't see somethings that i do.

i'll read something and its just something

that i don't want to know or think about at all

one week left.

after a miserable college semester

i have one week left.

i've gone through a change in my major

i'm failing 1 class possibly two.

i hate living in Detroit.

so where's the good?

well, i've finally learned something

after 12 years of having problems in school

because i had absolutely no work ethic 

i didn't care. and i didn't need to to get passing grades

now i do.

now i care a little.

a little, school still isn't top priority for me

and i honestly never want it to be.

i never want to become the person

who holds school or work more highly

than friends and people in general.

i've already seen people like that.

they aren't happy. and most of them are confused

why they're not.

i'm excited to spend the next month doing nothing

before i have to look for a job and such.

any suggestions on where i apply?

oh on a very side not, my sleep pattern is the most screwed up

i think its ever been. im going to sleep no earlier then 3am

and waking up no earlier than noon. and since i got coffee

on friday morning and then went back to bed, it feels like im a day ahead

like right now its actually sunday, but it feels like a monday for me.

oh well. night