so i have a lot of cram work i'll be doing early this week

i have two projects in design to start/finish.

ones due tuesday, the other is due thursday.

and i've got 3 papers to write for tuesday.

1 and a half 4 page papers. one 250 word essay.

my design class though, its hard to care about

since i'm going to change majors this class counts for nothing

nothing at all. not even like a general art class.

so yeah pointless. i keep thinking back to something Ashley said.

something like how she wishes so much of this world didn't ride on

what education you have or money or the combination of the two.

i'm not too sure how she said it, but that she wished that the person

mattered a lot more than the stats. i feel i could be much happier 

without this all, i feel like i'm just wasting it. i don't even know what i

want to really do. i mean, i want to be a good Godly man, i want to

get married and be a good loving husband, i want to be the best friend

i can be for the people i love. the rest, what seems like people make out

as the important stuff, i don't care. people are more important than 

money, which is why i never mind paying for a friend if it means we 

get to do something together. which is why i don't really care what 

"career" i have. sure i could be happy teaching, but you know, i 

think i would be just as happy in some random manager position

at a small store somewhere. because it won't be the job or the money

making me happy, but it'll be God and the people God has in my life.

but my parents would never be okay with the sort of "drifting" life

i'd like i guess, and as for now i suppose their entitled to see me do

what they want. college is just stressful. and yeah i'm not going to lie

i probably made it way more stressful than it should have been

i'm behind in all my classes. and yeah that's my fault.

but for the most part this semester school took a back seat to emotions

i hated being in detroit. i hated the people minus my roommate that were

at the school. i hated being away from people i care about. and i was lonely.

i'm still lonely. i still feel all that too. and i'm still stuck there.

but i have about 2 weeks i think and then i'm off for a month.

and i'm excited for Christmas, to be able to see smiles I caused.

my parents will probably well, no they'll for sure be upset with my

grades unless i drastically change something in two weeks somehow

for two of my classes. but it'll be Christmas and it really is impossible for 

my parents to stay too upset for long into the season. and like i said

i'm changing majors next semester, and schools next fall

so a lot of this work is almost meaningless and hopefully they'll see that

and they'll be upset at my work ethic that i've showed. but see it through

my eyes. i don't know. i'm not really sure what i had to say at all in this.

i guess i just wanted to ramble. goodnight.

hmm thanksgiving.

i've never really looked forward to thanksgiving

when i was little, we would go to some cousins house

and my mom's whole side of the family would be there

so its one of those things where i know 5 people

and don't know another 50.

but those 50 i don't know all knew me,

i always hated that. though the dinner itself wasn't so bad

then the cousin who put the whole shebang on got too old

or too sick or something to keep doing it

so then for the next couple years my mom cooked dinner

at our house with just our close family, which was fine

nothing special really. now since my uncle has remarried

we have thanksgiving at their house. again which is fine

but boring. i don't know where i'm really going here.

so yeah thanksgiving really doesn't hold any significance to me

i'm really excited for Christmas though.

it'll be good for one just to get out of school for awhile

my grades kind of suck. well two of my classes will

two of them i think im doing okay to fairly well in.

and im changing my major to teaching.

im not even talking about what i feel like right now

ha. whatever. i like listening to the Bible while I'm driving alone

got through all of John between today and yesterday.

every time Jesus say "I am" just i don't really know

i feel a little something just a sense of awe or something.

i'm just trying to be okay lately.

i dont think people get it.

under george bush the country went to crap.

for a lot of reasons

some his fault, others uncontrollable.

and its a very common trend, when a president is not liked

the next president will be the opposing parties candidate

regardless if he is a better fit than the new candidate

of the former presidents party.

so George Bush, being Republican, is the main reason

that Obama will win the election.

then you can add to the fact Obama is a minority and 

appeals to minority voters.

(Sarah Palin being a VP nominee, doesn't insure crap

in terms of the women vote for McCain at all)

that makes it almost a predictible landslide.

and Obama is not the end of the world,(anti-Christ theories aside)

regardless whether or not he is a better suited candidate

its basically all settled now, so just pray for guidance for the new president

pray for safety especially. and just let time go on.

God's watching carefully, feel protected by that if you can't be okay

with whoever the president is, you answer to a much higher power